Flare Hunter Z in KNEE DEEP IN THE MUD
by Trainer Ed
Summary: Some people think Flare Hunter Z is fearless during his missions. This is not true. There was one single mission he feared. Bring down the Bacon. Crappy Halloween special. (I do not own any of the video games or properties mentioned in this fanfic, except for my OCs)


**_E1M66_**

* * *

 ** _Mission Log 66.  
October 31, 2017  
2300 Hours_**

 ** _South Kalos._**

 ** _The FH-Guardian hovered over the dark mountain range, its engines humming softly to keep it suspended it in the air._**

 ** _"This is the location."_** _A voice echoed through the dark corridors of the gunship. Blue light filtered in our faces, as I took another sip of my cup of tea._

 _"Is this really a threat, Mr President?" the boy by my side asked. This was X, my companion in combat, clad in his blue and white striped pajamas, "I mean, this area… Isn't it uninhabited?"_

 ** _"No. It is quarantined."_** _The president replied, neatly dressed in comparison with us, **"Any research team we sent in prior… They never came out."**_

 _"Big deal. So it's dangerous terrain." I replied grumpily, running a hand through my hair, "So, why us?"_

 ** _"The satellite imagery… the terrain is populated."_** _The president spoke. Two images came up on screen._

 ** _"In December 2016, the previously empty terrain suddenly had houses, cars. Some even claim there's even an airport there."_** _I leaned in closer to inspect the pictures. It was shocking. Almost overnight, houses had sprouted up like mushrooms across the previously uninhabited mountains._

 _"And nobody ever came back." A young girl in blue whimpered, shivering in the cold night, "A-And you want us to go on… H-Halloween… Night…?"_

 _"Aile, I think this could be worth looking into." A taller girl in a tattered lavender skirt spoke, "If Flare got their hands on this encampment…"_

 _I slammed a fist down on the desk before me, "Sir, you can count on me. When do you want me to deploy?"_

 ** _"…As soon as possible, Z. We need to find out what happened to those researchers!"_** _the president replied, almost pleading with me, "Please, Z!"_

 _With a salute, I turned to get suited up and deployed to the ground below, "Copy. All units, to your stations. Maintain radio contact with me."_

* * *

 ** _UNKNOWN AREA_**

 _The cold night was silent, chilling. Grass blew in the breeze of the night, trees barely visible in the moonlight. With a crash of thunder, a red light flashed from the heavens, slamming to the ground. Dirt flew up in its wake. Energy converted back to matter._

 _I stood, fully armored._

 _"Get Psyched for this, Z. We don't know what you're up against." Go radioed in. I nodded silently, reaching for my gun. These days, I barely ever used my Z-Sabre unless it was absolutely necessary._

 _Oh, if only I knew what I was up against._

 ** _Mission Start._**

* * *

 _I ran through the dark woods, my weapon making quick work of the underbrush. With a flip, I launched myself over a low branch._

 _Coming face to face with one of them._

 _"AHHH! DEMON!" I yelped, blowing off the creature's head. Blood splattered the ground before me, and all over the front of my armor. When my heart stopped racing, I slowly walked over to the body, lifting up the remains of the creature._

 _It was some sort of… pig?_

 _Nudging the body with my foot, I slowly came to terms with what I had just slain. It was a humanoid swine. With some sort of light-blue shirt. In its trotters was a small shovel. I looked up, realizing that he was busy… planting something in the ground._

 _"Z, what's going on? We heard you yelling!" X's voice fizzled on. I kept gasping for air, holstering my gun, "I… I accidentally killed something."_

 _"Wonderful." Y grumbled, "Paperwork's going to be a bitch on this one."_

 _"No, it… it's not human. Or Pokemon." This reminded me. I reached onto my belt. My Pokeballs weren't there. Shoot. Taking my mind off that, I continued, "Casualty is… unidentifiable. It's some sort of… Pig?" I flicked on my bodycam._

 _"Oh my god… Z, we'll recover the bodies in the morning. For now, continue the mission." X spoke, shaking his head slowly, "Try to avoid further detection."_

 _"….Copy." I finished, crouching over the body of the dead pig, looking silently at the shovel in his hands. A hole was nearby, probably where he was digging seconds ago. With a soft sigh, I reached for the shovel, digging into the hole. My farmer's instincts made me want to complete what this young pig had started, planting a seed where he lay to remember my carelessness that had led to his end._

 _With a thunk, the plastic shovel hit something hard. I tried again, thinking it was a rock._

 _After a few tries, I reached into the hole…_

 ** _And drew out a severed human hand._**

 _"Oh my-" I gagged, tossing the hand away, "X, I-uh- f-found the researchers."_

 _"Anything else in the area?" X asked after a few tense seconds._

 _I turned my head slowly, and the sight that met me filled me with dread._

 _The field was full of human corpses, some sticking forth from the Earth. I slowly walked forwards, realizing that they were planted in the ground like corpses. Among the dead were pokemon as well, a dead Delphox impaled on his own staff. I slowly made my way towards the body, running my hand over it. It slid down the wooden staff, the smallest embers flying forth from its dead fur as it rubbed against the staff. A phantom flame from one whose life had been extinguished._

 _I looked closer at the body. The meat had mostly been stripped off, most of the flesh torn off and shredded._

 ** _"Oh my gosh…"_** _Y breathed._

 _X grunted, folding his arms, **"Something fraggin' evil's down there, alright."**_

 _I was paralysed, thinking of Ryu back at the base, still lying in his bed. One day, he would grow to become a Delphox like this one. It scared me, this reminder of the fragility of life on this Earth. Would we end the same way? Impaled on our own weapons?_

 _I never noticed the being behind me until it was too late._

 ** _"THERE'S ANOTHER ONE HERE, MUMMY!"_** _came a cry of a young girl. I spun, and lo, another pig was behind me. In her hands was a pitchfork. The cry echoed through the small town, as every single light in every building shone on._

 _They came, surrounding me. Armed with weapons of every kind. Not all of them were pigs. Some were tigers, zebras, deer. Animals of all kinds, each wielding household weapons of all kinds. Some held assault rifles, which I guess must have been looted from the researchers._

 ** _"Well done, Peppa! Food at last!"_** _came a deep male voice, **"Let's hurry up and cook him! I haven't eaten this well in months!"**_

 _"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" I half-cried, drawing my gun and charging up a shot. The plasma blasted through their ranks, screams and dying cries echoing in their wake. Luckily, I had remembered to set the weapon from its stun mode before landing on the turf._

 _Yeah, set phasers to kill, whatever._

 _I kept firing, but there was just so many of them. My body armor was stripped off in the battle, a claw swiping my headset off my ear, the device automatically self-destructing at Aile's command, wiping out the young tiger cub._

 _With a scream, I dashed through their ranks, weapon blazing, "OH GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!"_

 _No response, obviously. I was alone._

 ** _They know I'm here. There's no turning back now._**

 _A crack from nearby. A crushing blow to the back of my head._

 _I fell, unconscious on the ground, the last thing I felt was a trotter wrapping around my wrist._

* * *

 _…_

 _Z…_

 _Z._

 ** _'W-What's going on?'_**

 _You got knocked out badly, kid! Quick, get your stuff together and attack those guys again!_

 ** _'Dammit, I'm outnumbered! They took my radio, probably my weapon too… I can't tell when I'm unconscious!'_**

 _That's quite a situation._

 ** _'Well, that's life. A-Am I supposed to die here?'_**

 _Your foes are enraged. Brutal. Without Mercy. But you. You will be worse._

 ** _Rip and Tear, until it is done._**

* * *

 _My eyes flew open. I was chained to a table, most of the lower parts of my jacket ripped, exposing my chest. I looked around, hearing a soft whine of machinery outside of the room I was in. I looked before me._

 _Only to see a large pig leaning in my face. He let out a scream._

 ** _Enough._**

 _I burst from my chains, a hand flying out and grabbing the head of the pig. With a brutal, wordless rage and strength, I smashed it into the bench, blood splattering as I did. I broke my other hand free, rising forth from the chamber. Dead bodies lined the walls._

 _On the ground, my gun lay. I rolled across, snatching it up, as the door to the shed flew open, "Grandpa Pig, how are you going with-"_

 ** _"Ask him when you meet him."_** _I hissed, blowing the arm off a female pig with a red shirt. Guts splattered all over me, and I grinned, as green energy overcame me. My world began to shift, a green tint overcoming my vision._

 _I kicked open the door of the shed, standing in a field. Before me, a zebra carrying a chainsaw stood. He let out a rabid scream, running for me while revving the blades._

 _At the last moment, I dodged, as the kid plunged into the shed door, blades still spinning. Blood and screams came forth from the shed. The previous pig must've still been alive. Ah well, can't be helped now._

 _"Gimme that!" I barked, blasting a hole in the Zebra's guts. The chainsaw fell to the ground, still roaring away. I looked down the hill, where multiple other townsfolk stood, wielding weapons of every kind._

 _I revved my chainsaw, **"Rip and Tear!"**_

 _With those words, I leapt forwards, slashing off the head of a giraffe easily, before leaping away from several gunshots, charging up a shot with my pistol and firing it at my foes. A goat came up behind me, but with a swing of my chainsaw, bloodstains were all that remained. A weapon cocked behind me. I whipped around, spotting a wolf shakily wielding a shotgun. He was made quick work of with my blades, guts flying everywhere as I did. I snatched up the shotgun, running for cover as a horde of artillery-wielding sheep chased me down._

 _At last, a gun! Not a big gun, but it was still a gun!_

 _I ducked into a small house, the gazelle within only getting a few moments to look at me with shock before I blew her brains all over the walls with my shotgun._

 _Running through, I blew down a door, "Knock knock!" It was some sort of garage, and within was an old pig, trying to start up an electric wheelchair unsuccessfully. He turned to look at me, let out a screech and hurled several of the tools around him at me ineffectually._

 _He rose, drawing two of those industrial hair-drying things I normally saw Aile using to melt wires. He began to fire them at me, and I ducked aside, running circles around him. The two devices were cordless, oddly enough. I'd imagine Aile could have a lot of fun with one._

 _Finally, I dashed in, kicking the chest of my foe. He dropped the heat-gun things. Snatching one up, I rammed it into his mouth, firing it up. The sound of sizzling and screams echoed through the room, but I ignored it, revelling in the terror of my foe._

 _The smell of bacon drifted to my nose when I got up, clutching twin heat-guns and looking on the table of my enemy for any other weapons. A few saws. Too slow, I've got a chainsaw. A hammer. Nah, not much good here…_

 ** _A toothbrush._**

 _One of those electric ones that vibrated when you turned it on. I picked it up, looking around to make sure nobody else could see me, before duct-taping a small penknife on the table onto the end, grinning goofily as I added it to my expanding arsenal._

* * *

 _I chortled, blasting open the garage doors and speeding forth on the electric wheelchair. It was slightly faster than walking, but hey._

 _The town was going insane. Animals ran at me, weapons raised. I calmly drew my pistol, firing shot after shot into the crowds before me. It absolute havoc, plasma flying as I sped down the streets, a green aura surrounding my foes before death overcame them. A small tiger leapt at me. I punched it down, pulling out a heat gun and firing it into his mouth again. A flash of green behind me; a sign of a sneak attack. I ducked, drawing my electric-toothbrush knife and shoving it into an older tiger, flicking it on and hacking through her intestines. She fell on the road, before the electric wheelchair, and I sped over her, the sound of bones cracking beneath my wheels._

 _"It's no good. I need a gun. I need a BIG GUN." I growled at last, kicking aside a dog and blasting him with my shotgun._

 _Then, an idea came to my mind. An idea that was so incredibly crazy, I wasn't sure it would work myself._

 _I leapt off my vehicle into a bush, watching as the mob kept chasing it blindly, not noticing that I was gone. Do these guys have the mindset of a baby or something? Oh well._

 _Making my way into an empty house, I found a workbench in the garage. Several power tools were nearby, a blowtorch, and several other miscellaneous bits and bobs. Cracking my knuckles, I got to work._

* * *

 _Scant seconds later, it was complete. I was amazed myself, and I couldn't help but weep in awe as I beheld my creation._

 _The heat guns' heating coils were now wrapped around the plasma cells of my pistol, their triggers hastily wired together. The end of the weapon shone with a green light, a humming, throbbing sound coming forth as I charged the weapon._

 _It was a big gun. A big, freakin' gun._

 _Yeah, that had a nice ring to it._

 _I charged back outside, only to be blinded by hundreds of search lights._

 _A helicopter hovered overhead, as two bears leaned out with assault rifles. The rest of the mob was on the ground. I raised my weapon, "I'm warning you one last time! Drop your weapons and surrender!"_

 _They continued to charge, screaming rabid roars and battlecries._

 _I shrugged, charging up the BFG, "Alrighty then!"_

 _The mobs only started to slow down, realizing how brightly my charging weapon was shining. They turned to flee, screams of rage transforming into terror and fear. In their wake, they dropped weapons, pitchforks, chainsaws…_

 ** _Too late did they realize it was in vain._**

 ** _I let out a grin of malice, "Hail to the Chief, baby."_**

* * *

 _The BFG's firing actually sent me flying backwards, releasing the gigantic, car-sized green ball of plasma death and destruction._

 _It blasted forth, a second sun that transformed the dark night into the brightness of day. There wasn't even blood or skeletons left of my foes, they had instantly been vaporized by the blast, screaming in agony as their eyes boiled over and their flesh was consumed in fire, fats setting them ablaze. Artillery exploded in their shells, filling their users with shrapnel. The smell of roasting bacon and other meats filled the air._

 _And the destruction…_

 _Chaos surrounded me. Yet, as I stood, knee deep in the dead, a sense of serenity washed over me. I stepped forth, spinning my BFG. A small survivor, a pig, but I calmly slashed his head off with my chainsaw. Another pig leapt off a building, "KILL THE DEMON!"_

 _With a pause, I looked up. The pig held a chainsaw in her hands, but I blocked her blow with mine, kicking the blade aside and watching as it ripped her arm off. Blood stained my shirt, as I charged my weapon._

 _"You're the last one." I grinned, aiming the BFG at her head, "You feeling full now?"_

 _"YOU…. YOU WILL… NOT…" the pig rasped, her red dress torn, as her eyes glowed red. Her other arm raised, revealing._

 _Oh the humanity. A rotary cannon._

 _"DIE, SCHWINEHUND!" she roared, opening fire on me. I leapt away just in time, checking my BFG. It was only half-charged; not enough for me to launch the plasma a safe distance away from myself. Not to mention the gun itself was breaking apart; not good. Probably couldn't last one more shot._

 _A burst of bullets pounded the building I was ducking behind, blowing holes in the wall._

 _The time had come to act._

 _I chortled, running from cover. The pig kept firing, charging at me, but still I ran, weapon raised. Glowing. Gathering energy. Preparing to end this._

 ** _"All is clear."_** _I spoke, running up the side of a building and leaping over the pig. She whipped around, gun blazing._

 ** _"My conscience is cleared; my will is strong…"_** _with a backflip, I landed atop the pig, ramming my gun into her mouth, **"AND MY GUN PRETTY DAMN BIG!"**_

 _With a flash of green, a demonic scream and a splatter of blood, the smell of bacon filled the air, a soft beeping sounding from my left ear._

 _But… My communicator was destroyed, wasn't it?_

 _W-Wait. What?_

* * *

 _After I clear out the town, I'm supposed to win, right? Right?! Where's my teleport back? The big reward waiting me when I get back to base? It's not supposed to end like this!_

 _What the hell is going on?!_

 _The beeping continued, louder and louder, before the realization struck me._

* * *

 ** _October 32, 2017  
400 Hours_**

 **"IT WAS ALL A DREAM!?"** I screamed, sitting up on the sofa. Several empty soda bottles and candy wrappers fell off me as I did.

Indeed, I was sitting in the middle of the command centre of the 'Guardian', just awakening from last night's Halloween party. I was wearing my regular jacket, Go huddled up on the couch next to me, still wearing her anime cosplay.

With a grunt, I got off the sofa. The beeping still hadn't stopped. It only did once I reached for my phone, flicking off the alarm.

I surveyed the damage around the room. Aile was wearing a cute engineer's costume from that video game she kept playing, slumped over the bar. Broken bottles of cider lay around her. Emma was in her powersuit, the disguise module flickering and softly beeping to alert its unconscious wearer that it had run out of power after being left on for the whole night. Y was face-down on the ground, her bowl of candy scattered on the floors.

"That's the last time I let Redneck organize beverages." I grunted, sniffing my arm. It still smelt faintly of tequila, soda and-

 _Bacon?_

"T-That's creepy. I don't-" I turned around, spotting it laying there, on the table.

 ** _A still smoking BFG, and a roast pig's head, a chainsaw sticking out of it._**

 ** _"N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**

* * *

 ** _MISSION COMPLETED…?_**

* * *

(Okay, this sucked and was probably not worth the wait. This is not canon. I just really like Doom and needed a random thing to rip (and tear) into. Happy Halloween!)


End file.
